Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
