I think I am morally bankrupt
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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