Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
