I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
