i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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