Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
