I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
