Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
