using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
