how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
