shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
