So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
