I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
