Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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