I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
