Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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