Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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