so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
