No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my being single is dangerous.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
