Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
