the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
