you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
