He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the day after is always just damage control
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
