Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
