I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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