I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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