i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
