Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
