i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
