my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
