i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
