she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
