she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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