I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
