Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
