I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
