I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
