She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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