Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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