Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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