turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
