I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
