No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
