just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
