The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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