dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
