Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's the barista slut.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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