I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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