No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
