he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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