In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
