Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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