So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
