Pants 0. Shit 1.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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