Kiss
Puke
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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