Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
did i just pee glitter
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
