the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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