Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Bring me that man meat
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
