..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
