I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
