dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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