im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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