mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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