this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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