Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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