you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
